I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
