Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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