i'm signing you up for texting rehab
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
