yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
