sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
