Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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