go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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