I met the friendliest cop last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
