I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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