dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
