Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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