I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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