haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
