I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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