I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
