it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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