btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
