ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
