He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
