Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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