i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
