I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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