you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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