she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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