Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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