I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
