just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
