The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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