Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
