This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
