im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
