I faked an abortion last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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