My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
