its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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