normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
