I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having hate sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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