walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
