Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
