Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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