im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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