Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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