Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
