you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
