My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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