Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
