she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
