i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
