And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
