This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
