fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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