At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
