this beer tastes like vomit already
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
