Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
