I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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