You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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