The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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