EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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