its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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