I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
